Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Meet my new friend

I've decided that I have a new friend. My new friend will be with me forever and though I don't particularly want her around, she is very loyal and doesn't want to leave.

I was in denial for some time about her presence. She showed up uninvited last October. I tried to ignore her but the more I did, the more she got in my face and made me notice her. She can be quite mean and seems a little controlling at times.

If someone is always around and won't go away, shouldn't one name her?

I thought so, too.

Her new name is Arty.

I thought it was cute. If she has a cute name, maybe she won't seem so ugly.

Sometimes Arty grabs my wrists and then I can't move them very good, like right now. Sometimes she squeezes my knees so I have to strain to go up the stairs. Other times Arty digs her fingers into my shoulders and won't let me sleep on my side.

See, she's not always nice.

I do get breaks from her once in a while though.

Last Sunday, Arty went on vacation or something. I had such a good foot and ankle day that I wore FOUR inch heels! It was liberating. She must have felt I missed her though because she came back and I was back to flats again. That's okay though. I prefer flats anyway. I'm embracing the comfy look. It's much more... comfy.

I have realized that Arty has no control over my heart, my soul, my love, my prayers, or my happiness. I can still read, laugh, and play. She can dig, squeeze and burn, but I can still fall on my knees and pour my heart out to my Father who understands all that I am feeling. He strengthens me and gives me the courage to endure her presence. He assures me that I can do this and the day will come when He will release me from Arty. I will be whole and I will be stronger for putting up with her.

So, today I embrace my new friend. My goal is not to let her control me. I have to be strong and keep her in her place. Sometimes I may lose the battle but I will not lose the war. I'm in this for the long haul and I will come off conqueror.