Our home can get loud sometimes.
Okay. A lot of times.
And maybe really loud is a better way to describe it.
Somewhere along the road of raising our children I forgot the "indoor voice, outdoor voice" lesson.
And maybe sometimes it's not even the volume, but the frequency.
"Mom... Mom.... Hey, Mom.... Mo-o-om.... MomMom... Momomomomomomomomom....."
Some days I feel like I'm functioning in slow motion submerged in a swimming pool.
Or in a dream when you try to run away from the bad guy but you can't get your legs to move.
It's such a weird feeling.
Sometimes my children are talking to me and I am looking at them but nothing is registering.
I realize I missed everything they said and I say "I'm sorry. I didn't hear any of that. Can you start over?"
Sometimes I think it only happens on cloudy days. I'm pretty sure I'm more alert on sunny days.
Or something like that.
I am grateful for my family's forgiveness on my "slow days."
Giving a heartfelt apology to our children for our "shortcomings" goes a long way. Withholding an apology for pride's sake does irreparable damage..... until we humble ourselves enough to admit we are not perfect.
Sometimes I long for silence, but not permanently. Just for a day or so, and then I would miss it and welcome the mayhem back with open arms.
It's what I love.
At the end of my days when I literally fall on my knees in exhaustion, I thank my God for the opportunity to be a mother. I ask for His ever-supportive hand to buoy me up and give me strength to continue despite the lack of sleep, logistical, emotional & physical demands, and the fact that there is only one me.
I know I fall short. Yet, I know He is there to make up the difference.
I know He is there and He loves me.
He wants me to succeed.