My baby is now six months, and as I have snuggled his sick little body this morning, I have felt such an overwhelming feeling of peace. My eyes brimmed with tears as I held this little one in my arms, quite possibly the last little one I will ever have.
How could I feel this way some would ask? Life is demanding at our home, there is more to be done than humanly possible for one mother, and I often feel inadequate for the task. But then, another day comes, another morning dawns, and more prayers are offered up to heaven asking for His help to begin another day... and I miraculously do it carried by a strength beyond my own.
I held his tender body, felt his soft skin, his chubby fingers & gently wiped his snotty nose. I don't want this phase of my life to end. That's all it really is though, right? Different windows open and close throughout our lives. Some are open for short periods of time and close just as quickly. But this window of creating new life with my husband, nurturing a completely helpless, beautiful baby, and smelling Johnson's Baby Lotion on a freshly bathed, chubby body has been open for half of my life. I don't know if I would ever welcome the closing of this window.
Just as with his older brothers and sisters, I look forward to helping him spread his wings and fly. Yet I want to hold him close and never let him go at the same time. Do you think he will still like wearing Johnson's baby lotion when he is 16? Probably not, but mom can only hope it will be a cologne someday :) He is a gentle, sweet boy and though I only have 17 years left with him, I know now that it will go by all too quickly.
So what is next?
Last night, Jedrick said "Mom, can you imagine if all of us have as many children as you did? That would be SIXTY-FOUR grandchildren!" I can't imagine anything more delightful! How could I ever want to keep that window from opening? To gently hold my children's new babies while their mother sleeps, clean their home while she gently holds the new life she and her husband have created, and make meals for their freezer to be used after I leave will be the new sunshine in my window. Maybe, just maybe I will love this phase and can quite possibly embrace it.
The longer I write, a smile has crept across my lips and that peace I felt holding my own baby has carried me on to a new peace that everything will work out as it should. I don't have to try to control it, simply live it and love it.
It's time to hold my chin high, take a deep breath, and walk forward embracing all of the changes to come. It is exciting and I wouldn't want to miss it!